I know I have issues because the thought of a relationship is so unappealing to me. There seems to be something undignified about it. I think if I let myself slip into that kind of “depravity” I’d never reach my full potential.

The pains of directing

When your actors are disappointed in their own work, and are butthurt about not getting the part they want, they blame it on poor direction. I am aware that it was a cold read. I am also aware of who was nervous. It may be my first time directing but it’s not my first time in this pony show. I made my decision, whether you believe it is good or bad, based on ten years in theatre.

Hopefully my actors will not try such manipulation in the rehearsal process. It makes it more difficult trying to establish a proffessional relationship with friends who will use their position in your heart to manipulate what should be a purely objective decision.

I feel like every new beginning is just a little bit less sincere. We left pieces of our hearts in other hands.

My antisocial tendencies have taken a turn for the germophobic.

I have the most horrible urge to wash my hands after I shake hands with too many people. Or people that…I’m just doubtful about where their hands have been.

I want somebody to tell me that I am worthy and I can do it.

And I want to believe them.

i used to commit heartily to things

but now commitment is something i avoid. it scares me…i don’t like obligation. i don’t like to be stuck. i like to know i can leave whenever i want to.

i wasn’t always like this, mind you…

but in the past 5 years i’ve noticed i have an issue with commitment. and i think about all the things i tried to stick with…and they all had the same expiration date…2 years


i quit ballet just before 2 years

boyfriend expired just before 2 years

best friend only lasted a little over 2 years

i mean….these are all commitments i chucked either last year or the year before. and i’ve made some new ones, i think.

I like theatre cause it’s a very short term commitment. A play never lasts for more than a semester. Then you’re on to the next.

I had nothing to do for over an hour (maybe 2. i lost track of time) this morning and I wasn’t allowed to leave. There were some plays by Sophocles sitting around. So I did that for a the remaining time.

Damn… I know i had a point to this story…

Oh yeah!

Whenever someone mentions Pan or Puck (which usually only happens in Greek mythology or from Greek playwrights and Shakespeare) I get a feeling much akin to seeing oneself on television. OHMYGAAH DAS ME.

I want to make E & B walk with me til our feet are blistered and cracked this summer.

All around the beach. Til the sun is low and red.

And one night when there isn’t a pollution warning

Maybe we’ll be bold and go skinny dipping for .05 seconds when it gets dark.

And then warm up at a wonderful cafe/restaurant

And smile and talk

And summer summer summer summer I can’t wait.

I loathe Taurus  women

And Virgos can get under my skin. 

But I think I’d like one of each to go shopping with me once and a while, since they have exquisite taste.

Too much of them is poison. A little is a good buzz.